An Ode

How many times do I have to try to tell you that I'm sorry for the things I've done?
When I start to try to tell you, that's when you have to tell me "Hey, this kind of trouble's only just begun."
I tell myself to many times "Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut?"
That's why it hurts to hear the words that keep on falling from your mouth...
Falling from your mouth...falling your mouth..

Tell me, why...
Please tell me, why?

I may be mad, I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking
And I've heard it said that you'd be better off besides....
Why can't you see that this boat is sinking?

Let's go down to the water's edge and we can cast away those doubts...
Some things are better left unsaid...but they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out...turning inside out

Tell me, why...
Please tell me, why?

This is the book I never read, these are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread, these are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread, and these are the tears, the tears we shed
This is the fear, this is the tread and these are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent, and this is what they represent
And do you know how I feel?
Cause I don't think you know...I don't think you'll ever know...

You'll never why..

-Originally by Annie Lennox/Covered by Kelly Clarkson in 2005.

October 20, 2005

An Attempt

this may be exactly what i've waited for
the silence of treading water
with eyes closed and chlorine's whisper
i dance with the sharpening chill
and crave a big finish
then she crashes into the forbidden story
a tale of loss and sweet symphony
this time i am prepared for her wailing cry for help
i will not infer this day, no
i must use my strength to fend off the harmonies
i open my eyes to a dank and sundanced palace
this is the end she says
and i oblige realizing that all strength is gone
hers now, i linger never to rejoice
never again to tread with leisure
the only ending is the faint, trembling, familiar beckon
in the distance

January 2, 2005

Progression

He looks at her and wanders
He sees the music and sings
The wearisome trench of some malevolence
The dagger in place
Then he reaches out
And the petal falls
Her eyes close
And she is reborn
An entity pure
Lost, and tentative
Left with the meandering switch of darkness
And the nicotine leaves stains
On her psychedelic existence
The drugs age her adolescent soul
This time he sees more than before
Now he does not wander
He just stares at what he once loved
And smiles with anguish and gluttony
This epiphany un-thought
This memory seemingly doubtful
Covered with the yellow sparkles
And the dreary ruby that turns out the lights
Goodnight

January 29, 2006

The Cleansing

I only have one thing left to say
And your life is what they make nightmares with
You're who they call when they want to scare the children home
The sickening reaper to repair the hordes of joy and zeal
Only cracking drips of sand can cry their ducts dry
Only those with no sign of a soul can look at you
Without wanting to scream
Dare me to spring off of your treachery and lies
Warn me before you screech my misconstrued words
This could be drawn in jealousy or weakness
You won't float with heroes and saints
...not even the murderers and hell-beasts
A special haven awaits your final gaze
To surprise you with it's maniacal laugh
I will watch your downfall, that looms near...
It's only fitting...only fair...

April 2, 2004

Passion

What would be without passion?
Dead souls, dead hearts
We would be free though
Free, from what you did to me

Silence stalks me in my sleep
I awake and realize you were here

What would be without passion?
Dreary mind, dreary lives
We wouldn't be able to forgive the lies
The lies that she told me

Only trying to help
Met a fate that she didn't deserve

What would be without passion?
Killing time, killing space
We would be able to fight though
Fight the ones we love
And I could have done to you, what you did to her

I stand by the burial
There for the person who cared for her most

What would be without passion?
We would be soulless, heartless, lifeless, mindless
We would be you

February 27, 2004

Lie to Me

"Lie to me," I said
"The good guys are always stalwart and true
No imperfection
No dark side
They always make the flawless choices
They always live the most virtuous lives
The good guys are the people that everyone envies"
She said this to me with a blank stare

"Lie to me," I said
"The bad guys always are easily distinguished by their pointy horns, or black hats
You will always realize when their dark legions loom near
It's obvious to know who is a friend or who is a foe
No one is ever betrayed
No one is ever lift behind
Because the bad guys would never mask themselves as good"
She said this with an expression I could not read

"Lie to me," I said
"The hero always wins
That's the way it is supposed to be
There is always some inevitable solution
That is easy to attain
No one ever dies
And the good guys always live happily ever-after"
She said this as we were walking away
I only had one reply
"Liar."

May 7, 2004

Nocturne

I'm over you and all that you had to offer
A distinct ruin in the mass of the dead
Just like we ended so many moons ago...

Cold and starry nights
The ray of light brings me to a bitter sleep
The newspaper print is hard to read
The meaning, too damp to be clear
Through these cold and blanketless nights

I am gasping for air, can you hear my desperate breaths?
I'm waiting for someone to save me, will you save me?
Or let me suffocate in this gas leak of love
Whatever you do
Hear me
Save me

Lessons learned
Wasted on young love
Wasted on a feeling
More dead than an autumn leaf
More alive than a springtime songbird

Through the days of the creek
When things seemed so right
Long for the days in the fields
When the dandelion air
Shimmered with grace

I'm letting go, losing grip
On purpose
Intentional
Worrying is no concern of mine
Sleeping is the only nocturnal wonder
This nocturnal wonder

----------

Crawl

Running with the rain
Running with the tide
Running with the sand and flies
Running with the ground

Halted with the one time occurrence
Halted with the stare
Halted with the frightening glance
Just another scare

What happened?

--------

The Design

A cotton thread
A mark of the dead
Journey lies
Here in the sand
The correct function
Does not touch
The flailing slumber
Only crumbles
As a glass window
Holds together through
Rocks and force
And the mime speaks
Through silence and loss
The false presumption
The lesser being
The mime, the glass
All together
Nothing lasts

November 19, 2004

That Needs to Take Place

The beat of the drum
Repeats
The sound of her voice
Retreats
The crumble of the wall
Weeps
The building of her raft
Creeps

I rearrange
For the change
That needs to place
Sooner
Not later
Sooner...not later...

Song of the Moment

A Clean Getaway

"I made my place by the door
I didn't know what I was waiting for
Felt just like home
Except no grass, no yard, no pictures hung
I could see you cross to the park
And there were friends, they were laughing hard
They looked just like my own
With no face, no name, no voice..I'd known
--I finally made a clean getaway

I met someone at the bar
He had a great smile and a great heart
It felt just like love
Except no fear of losing and it wasn't tough
--I finally made a clean getaway

And I miss you every single day..."
-Maria Taylor

Halloween 2006

All the world has gone to bed
And while the night gets colder
And the lake retires for the night
I take a breath of fresh air
And look at the bridge I just crossed
By the time she lost her shoe
I was still gathering twigs for the fire
A lonely calm sets a tone
Mind tricks and forced smiles tarnish your memories
You know you should feel better now
You know the terms have come
As the bewitching hour begins
A tender silence sets in
You've got another life to live
Somewhere far away

November 2006 Pt. 2

the drastic cause
to walk the plank
the incentive to joke
the mourning after breakfast
taking the stage when all else faints
is this what it is to you?
is this what you asked for?
a parting gift from the gods
has left you grief-stricken and powerless
the trying ends
the crying mends
seals up tasteful thought
and unclogs a frightened day
whisked to the dungeon
surrounded by fire
you've become at ease here
you've surrendered your last song...

-------------------------------------

I've said this before
I've made my way through the heavens
I've known more than one soul
And seen the flowers grow
I've settled in a place far from the tides
Climb the mountain, row your boat
Follow the horse, bathe in the stream
tend to the meadow, go past the charade
and the tasks...that's where you'll find me
And that's where I'll stay

November 2006

i see more now
eyes open, hands free
frustration subsides
and the wind sets in
the days move quick
hour in and hour out
the lasting scent
of the trials and the sins
I'm in disgrace-
the tired girl shows it means to be a kid again
Even though her eyes have aged far beyond the glitz
and the glamour
The wandering child tells me of his days by the pond
And inspired not only the birds and the snakes, but me...
who has just been enlightened
by the all-seeing eye
And then there's you
So awkward, so cold
So used to what flakes of life have been foretold
So distressed by the water's surface
You turned your back on the world long ago
Without making a scene...
And it was you who taught me less than I needed to know
I've seen the thrills
and the masks and
I am not proud
I am not impressed
Could your tongue handle what I truly think?
Could your ancestors take a minute and show you
What you've been missing?
Could you please end this gravity?

Spring 2005

In Her Room

The look of this girl was wayward
The look of her state conveyed all
She made her way home then
Smiled to herself in her room

The last few years have been strange
She knows it, as do I
And I let go from her embrace
And stray away from her glare

Then she smiles to herself
Once again

Sometime in November-December 2006

-----

It's been about three years since I've said my piece
It seems like a lifetime since I've really known what I mean
There's been some gaps and blocks
Some hits and some jots
And all in all it's been one fine ride
I've come a long long way
I kept my word and I never looked down
I rose up from falling to the ground
I realized what I was chosen for
A battered wing that learned how to soar
I've said some things that I regret
But they are words that I will never take back
I've got a song to sing
This story has got a hold of me
All in all I've seen some fine days
And those days were full of change
I've seen friends come
I've only watched a few stray-------

(unfinished)

Sometime during the fall of 2006

Running in laps
With lovers in the distance
And hummingbirds with goals
Everyday you run in laps
Out of breath, gritted teeth
I step out of pre-conceived notions
And overheard discussions
Time slows and I realize the finish line approaches
Day after day you run in laps
I may have reached the end of the road first
But who really won?
Who really made the most of those 1500 meter days?

------

Best friends continue in their stride
While you run in place
You may enjoy the scenery
You may find who you love
But somethings pulling on you
Your hands clench as you go weak in the knees
Frantic and lonely you begin to plan your escape
You begin...

June 28, 2004

Crushed

I am only crushed by the things you say
Your words stick to me
Like a damp, hungry leech
They sting, yet you can't even grasp your acidic lingo
You don't seem to fathom that while you are just being friendly
You are my subconscious enemy
And I can't say one thing
Yet your words are the weapon of choice
They crush me with each pivotal stance

July 1, 2004

Beneath the Blind Moonlight

A pensive stare in the midst of the blind
Caught in the shuttering truth
And the last ones standing
The only flame that puts me to sleep
Are the photos of the meandering past
So many promises you kept
So many tears you dried
So many lies you uncovered
And the several times we cried
We are the last ones standing
The two of us on the grass
The two of us in the street
Then the third flashes before me
And the fourth even, in front of you
Yet, it is only the two of us
The two of us are true
To make matters better, I pick up the phone
And dial the creasing tones
The design, an old
The angst-filled dialogue
The laughs at nothing
The design, a new
The lats ones standing
And even in the end
When the leaves have fallen
And she has shuddered her fall from grace
I will promise not to lose an eye if you stand by me
For we are, the last ones standing

June 28, 2004

Varied

Not one to think
Not one to move
Not one to say a thing
Just sprawled out on the dirt
The rest sings softly
Or I make it known
What lies beneath the notes
That she carries in her basket
The one down the path
And through the wells
Where the lame doe lies
Or where the tree's trunk
Sinks further than the roots
Themselves
Not one to think
Not one to move
Never to say a thing
Curled up on the granite tile